February 20, 2011

Make yourself irreplaceable

Finnish newspaper Kauppalehti writes that there are few ways to keep your job: 1) Learn things that other people don't want or don't know how to do. 2) Keep good relations to your boss and co-workers. 3) Ask if you're uncertain about new things.

These are good tips, but they're really not for me. Since I try to slack off and rather do something else (redtube for example) I've thought of few things that make me irreplaceable without actually doing a lot of work. Here they are:

Use old/strange techniques - If you're a coder, use Cobol or Assembler. No one will want to watch your code.

Jargon - If you write a lot, use difficult words, old latin, french, etc. and don't write text that is easily readable.

Documentation - Don't document any of the things you do and don't make any instructions.

Teaching - Don't do it. If you have no choice but to present your ideas/projects/etc. to your boss or co-workers, use Powerpoint. Make a presentation that has lot of pie charts, nice pictures and maybe even animations. Bosses love animations.

SPECIAL tip for developers: Use kludges everywhere. Even when you're coding the simplest thing with Javascript, make a moronic kludge that others will not understand.

Most of these work in the IT department, but not really if you're a cashier or a janitor. Do you have any good ideas to share about making yourself irreplaceable? Share them in comments.

39 comments:

  1. I have only 2 weeks working experience lol. You seem to have all your bases covered.

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  2. wow didn't think so many jobs are cutthroat like that

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  3. tks for this post, this is what i was needing

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  4. I think I will use these tips from time to time.

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  5. nice tips, I gotta try them out ;-)

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  6. make a serious friendship with your boss

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  7. Good points. I am studying computer science and I may use some of these someday. Your employer will think twice before they fire you when using such methods.

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  8. nice tips, good relationship with you co-workers is th best one ;)

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  9. This made me laugh out load, NICE PICTURES + ANIMATIONS with pie charts. This definetly works with most brain dead bosses. Really great write ups man, enjoying them.

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  10. "Bosses love animations"
    lol this is so often the case, nice one.

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  11. Best tips ever ! Will use them for sure !

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  12. cool blog :) and even a domain nice!

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  13. Great tips, im gonna follow your blog !

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  14. hahaha no wonder you hate your job you're doing everything without acting from the proper spirit. try being magnanimous for a change and word will get around!!

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  15. This is the best way to keep your job but also to stay in the same job forever.

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  16. yeah my job is seasonal right now, it's depressing knowing i'm gonna have to join the job hunt again pretty soon

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  17. I am abusing the jargon till the end . Not because I am trying to keep my job "mine" .

    Because I find it better . At least when I talk people think I am saying something even I have no idea what I am talking about .

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  18. That's useful. Thank you for this great post.

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  19. Haha, these are some funny tips. I have to document most of my stuff though as it's required, so that does not seem to work. Other than that, good tips!

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  20. I think the newspaper gives good advice except for the last one "3) Ask if you're uncertain about new things."

    In my experience if you ask too many questions or need people to hold your hand, you won't have your job very long-- I think most bosses likes people who are independent and won't bothering them with a bunch of questions... just my opinion though.

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  21. i think anybody can get money if they work hard and work for themselves

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  22. Some good advice! Most of it seems to be applicable to an office job or more directly to a computer programmer, but maybe these tips will come in handy in the future!

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  23. I'll just work on my own.... lol.

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  24. That's how I kept my job....New management came in and saw layoff coming so I learned everybody's job

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  25. Haha interesting tips. I think "make yourself irreplaceable" is applicable in any field, no matter how little expertise is necessary. You can always make your job seem more complicated than it is, even to those who hired you!

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  26. Asking about things you don't understand (assuming they're new, of course) shows that you're open to adapt, and adaptation is key in the workplace!

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