Sitting on the shitter - Precious little moments

Working day in Finland is 7 and half hours. That makes 450 long, painful minutes and sometimes when it's REALLY boring, I count the time in seconds. At it's worst, working day is 27000 painful moments, each one more boring than the previous one. After many working years I have developed methods for making these moments shorter. Here are few of them:

Going to the toilet - You can have about dozen of these in a workday without anyone getting suspicious. Each one can last for 5 to 15 minutes and sometimes you can take an hour or even two out your day (on Fridays it's usually longer). It's even better, if you know that someone is waiting for their turn. If there aren't any magazines to read, use your cell phone / smartphone for spending time: install games, read feeds, listen to podcasts... If you don't have a phone, read what ingredients are in handsoap or make snowflakes out of toilet paper.

HARDCORE mode: take your laptop with you.

Lunch break - This should be a nonbrainer: Make your lunch hours long, but don't do this too often. You don't want your boss to get suspicious. In Finland lunch hour is usually 30 minutes, so just go for 40-45 minute lunch breaks everyday and once or twice a week you can extend it to a full hour. If your co-workers go out to eat, join them. These trips usually last at least an hour, sometimes lot more (especially on Friday).

Hospital visits - This probably works only if you live in Scandinavia/some other European countries with free health care or have somekind of health plan from the company. You can do hospital visits 1-3 times a month. Same rule applies here: don't do it too often or people get suspicious. Some good diseases are: Crohn's disease (nobody wants to hear the details), back pain (just say that you got it at sitting on your desk, they don't want to be blamed) or some exotic diarrhea bacteria (here you get a bonus: no one will come close to you). Don't EVER say that you're going there because of depression or sleeping problems - this WILL make them suspicious and will probably effect you at next cutoffs.

HARDCORE mode: Shave your head and tell 'em that you have terminal cancer. That should keep them off your back for a while. Try to look sick but positive: don't make them think you're going to drug rehab.

BONUS: Don't forget these: taking your baby to doctor, taking your dog/cat/pig/monkey to a vet

Sick days - You can have 1-3 of these in a month without anyone getting suspicious. Just say that you've been vomiting all night or that you have terrible diarrhea. Call your boss right after 7am (we go to work at 8am here) and he'll think that you actually tried to get to work. After this you naturally go back to sleep. After a night of heavy drinking and partying your voice is usually hoarse, so it gives you even more credibility. Therefore, drink during the week and stay at home when hungover.

What are your slacking tips at work? What do you think of my English so far? Is it readable? Does the sun orbit earth or vice verca? Just click the comment button below!

 

The blogger has spend a looot of time on this bad boy.