I hate my job (now also in English!)

So, I was at this international conference last week and there were some Finnish guys who were read my blog when I was still working at my old job (which I hated). They also did some translations of my blog entries to co-workers from other countries and I got a request to writing in English. At the moment I'm out of ideas, since I love my job, but I am willing to translate some of my old blog entries to English. So, here goes my first entry from 2009:

I hate my job.

I really don't get any satisfaction out of it. The most horrible day of the week is monday and during weekdays the most boring and repulsive time of the day is from 8 to 16 (working hours in Finland). Regardless, I've been working in the IT department for 4 years now, for three different employers. All of the work places had same phenomenons: trendy work slang, coffee chats of idiots, bad radio stations, surfing on tabloid websites... the list is endless.

I started working after I graduated from Polytechnic school with good grades. I was excited, and for a reason: I got my first permanent job straight after graduating! Quick orientation, new things I couldn't remember the next day, names I couldn't memorize and MANY phenomenons that I mentioned earlier.

Nonethless, I tried to keep positive attitude and I really wanted to be efficient, hardworking and ultimately a good worker. I wanted for the company to make profit, I was interested in all the business figures, sales, new projects, pie charts etc.

But in the end, the awful truth dawned on me... Work sucked. Work days seemed like they lasted forever and end of the week was like a winning on a lottery.

In this blog I will tell my experiences in work life. These writings are mostly from 2007-2009 but there's also recent stuff.

Hope you enjoy it!

Projects

Today I'm going to talk about projects. Ok, so nowadays in the IT all the work is gathered under projects. What this means, then? It means that when you're working on a certain project, you can't do anything else. All the work you do has to be on the fucking project. How retarded is that? Let's take a scenario where I'm a Java coder and they assign me on a project as Scrum master. Now, this other project needs some coding expertise which I'd be able to offer, IF they'd allow me to participate on that project. Well, do they? FUCK THAT, WE NEED YOU ON THIS EVEN THOUGHT YOU'RE NOT REALLY DOING ANYTHING (real life scenario, this really happened).

So, as Scrum Master I ain't doing anything since all the administration stuff is done for that day. I also cannot participate in a coding project and therefore do nothing. Is this good for the company? You tell me.

This is me, not giving a damn.

5 ways to quit & do what you love

Since my international fanbase has grown a bit and I've had some requests about writing in English, here it goes: my first English blog post!

5 ways to quit & do what you love!

#1

Way to quit: Smack your boss in the face

Way to do what you love: Move to your dream location.

#2

Way to quit: Strip down to your skivvies and start dancing to “Thriller” in a human resources meeting about sexual harrasment in the workplace.

Way to do what you love: Make an activity your livelihood.

#3

Way to quit: Stage your own death (by bagel knife) in the coffee room using ketchup as a prop, be sure to stumble out the front door and leave a “bloody” trail of ketchup from your office to the nearest large body of water so they’ll never “find the body”. Note: you may need several bottles of ketchup and a bus ticket if you are not immediately near water

Way to do what you love: Use a God given gift.

#4

Way to quit. Use the highest paid executive in your firm’s fax machine to send pieces of toast to the Boston office, if it’s doesn’t work the first time – add jelly.

Way to do what you love. Review it.

#5

Way to quit: In an effort to save on rent, move into your office cubicle and shower in water fountain using your latest memos as wash cloths.

Way to do what you love: Solve other people’s problem.

Computer rage!

Kannattaisko opetella käyttämään niitä tietokoneita, idiootit?

Pikkujoulupeli

Pikkujoulupelin ideana on bongata allaolevat henkilöt firman pikkujouluista tai

muusta "virkistäytymis"tapahtumasta:

* Kaveeraava pomo - tämä pomo haluaa (humalassa) olla paras kaverisi, vaikka

hän juuri viime kuussa laski sinun palkkaa ja nosti palkattoman ylityön määrää.

Tarjoilee yleensä huikkaa jallupullostaan käsi olkapäälläsi. Siinä ohessa hän

kertoo sinulle ketä firman naisista haluaisi panna ja kuinka oma vaimo on frigidi

jääpala. Aamulla krapulassa asiasta ei enää puhuta.

"sä oot oikeesti ihan helvetin hyvä jätkä."

* Aggressiivinen juntti - Kun tämä kaveri saa viinaa koneeseen, ei mikään tai 

kukaan ole turvassa. Juntin ominaisuuksiin kuuluu myös naisseikkailuilla kehuskelu

ja niiden liioittelu. Yleensä vetää viinaa siihen tahtiin että sammuu ensimmäisenä, 

kunhan vain sitä ennen painii "leikkisästi" ja kaataa pöydän tai pari, juomineen

päivineen. Aamulla krapulassa asioista ei enää puhuta.

"Vtu nyt jtkät paintaaa..."

* Tylsä pariskunta - Ehkä hankalin bongata - näihin kun ei yleensä kiinnitä mitään

huomiota. Tällä parilla on yhteiset juomat, yleensä siideri tai pari, ja nukkumaan

mennään hyvissä ajoin ennen puolta yötä. Näiden kanssa ei keksi MITÄÄN keskusteltavaa.

Paitsi jos sinua kiinnostaa omakotitalon rakentaminen, rivitaloasunnon remppaaminen 

tai uusien puutarhakalusteiden tilaaminen. Aamulla samat asiat jatkuu.

"No siis ME ajateltiin..."

* Firman hempukka - Tämä on aggressiivisen juntin naisversio, eli viinaa juodaan

liikaa ja tässä vaiheessa aggressiot kasvaa - nimittäin seksuaaliset sellaiset.

Mitä pidemmälle ilta etenee, sitä alemmas hempukka laskee tasoaan. Loppuillasta

jopa se firman paksurillisin koodari saa huomiota osakseen. Tunkee usein myös

miesten kanssa saunaan. Aamulla krapulassa asiasta ei enää puhuta.

"Mä en oo töisshhä ees huomannu kuinka komee shhää oot"

Inspiraatio tekstiin saatiin tästä sarjakuvasta.